How to Fail at Fitness

In case you hadn’t noticed, I spend a lot of time trying to help people get healthy.

It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to lose some weight, build some muscle, or just feel better about yourself; if you are willing to put in the effort I am willing to put in the time to help you achieve your goals.

That being said, when I survey my social media networks I can quickly point out people who despite the best of intentions are setting themselves up for failure by falling victim to trends and fallacies.

It drives me into a gamma radiation induced rage (Hulk SMASH!!!) every time, but I usually manage to remember Law #7 of the Jerd Herd and keep my mouth shut. I figure if they want help they will come ask.

That isn’t going to stop me from passive aggressively addressing their nonsense here though!

How to Suck at Fitness

“How doth I suck? Let me count the ways.” – Broham Shakespeare

 1) Be a sheeple and blindly follow trends – Why do some research and learn about what your body needs when you can just eat fat-free foods, buy up everything in your grocery store labeled healthy/organic/gluten-free, assume that the only workout instruction you need comes from a 30 day workout challenge info-graphic you saw on Pinterest, or believe your friend that tells you running is all you need to do to lose weight? These simple trends are working out so very well for a large portion of the population.

2) Look for the magic bullet – Put in work to get in shape? That’s crazy talk! Why not just go on a fad diet or even better get in on that sweet Herbalife or Advocare multi-level-marketing! I mean your sister-in-law lost a whole 10 pounds using the Ultra-Mega-Sparkplug powder in her morning coffee so it must be the way to go… just ignore the shakes and uncontrollable sweats she breaks into throughout the day.

3) Try to outrun your fork – Who wants to watch what they eat? That’s way too much work! Anytime you eat something unhealthy, just tack on another 15 mind-numbing minutes onto your treadmill duty. Don’t think about the fact that you have to run over 10 miles to burn off one large combo meal from McDonalds.

4) Make excuses – “I don’t have good genes!” or “I don’t have time!” are my personal favorites with “My body doesn’t work that way…” rounding out the list. The less personal responsibility you take, the better!

5) Be as nebulous as possible with your goals – The more generic, the better. “I need to work out more” or “I should eat better” are great starts at being non-specific enough that it makes tracking your progress impossible.

6) Turn your life upside down – Don’t gradually change your habits and forge new, long-lasting ones. Make multiple drastic changes in your life all at once instead! While you’re at it start doing a ton of things you absolutely hate and make yourself miserable. Go from a completely sedentary lifestyle to working out twice a day and starve yourself, only nibbling on food you despise. Your body will straight up hate you, but you’ll have no problems sticking with it!

7) Compare yourself to someone else – Find someone who is ultra-fit and has been participating in athletics their entire life and immediately compare the way you look to their perfectly posed and lit photo on a magazine cover. Bonus points if you ask yourself daily why you don’t look like them. This is psychologically healthy behavior and will keep you motivated.

8) When things get rough, give up – Don’t analyze and adjust, or try again if things aren’t going the way you expected… just give up! If you step on the scale and it’s a pound heavier than last week, don’t make a few small changes to your diet just give up. If you can’t seem to increase the number of push ups you are doing after one whole week, just throw your hands in the air and yell “I can’t do it!” Giving up is so much easier than working hard and struggling to overcome hurdles!

Okay, I got all the sarcasm out of my system I think…

How to be Awesome at Fitness

Ready?

• Set achievable goals.
• Start eating clean and healthy foods.
• Begin a regular workout program, whether at home or in the gym.
• Break your bad life habits and forge new ones.
• Slowly fine tune and adjust as necessary…

I just summarized pretty much every article I have ever written, I guess I can shut down the website now…

Just kidding.

It really is that simple though. The rest is just me trying to come up with entertaining language to try and drive the points home.

Just make small, incremental changes and be patient!

If you need a more in-depth guide though I highly recommend picking up our brand new Heroes’ Transformation Guide. It will give you every last tidbit of knowledge you need to transform your life; I guarantee!

So that’s it for this week folks… remember – don’t be a sheeple, and don’t suck at fitness.

Let’s have some fun with this; what’s the worst fitness advice you’ve seen on social media? Let me know in the comments below!

Also check out our YouTube channel (if you want access to our Nerd-Core Fitness exercise videos), follow me on Twitter, and like us on Facebook and Google+ (there is content on both not available here on the site.) There are so many different ways for you to get your daily dose of Jerdly goodness so don’t miss out!

(Photo #1 credit)

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