It’s Time to Talk Nerd Tolerance…

That’s right. It’s time for #RealTalk.

Nerds and geeks are a funny lot, we spend our entire lives being –

• Stereotyped
• Shamed for our “non-mainstream” interests
• Picked on for our physiques
• Made to feel uncool and unworthy of group acceptance

And then we turn around and do the same thing to those around us!

Honestly, I have never been sure if this unfortunate cycle of exclusion should amuse or anger me.

As someone who has always had one foot on each side of the jock/nerd fence I have seen it my whole life. My fellow nerds, stereotyped and put upon for years by the “cool kids”, turning around dismissing anyone with muscles as “meat-heads” or “gym-rats”.

As if being fit and healthy is something that deserves derision.

But whatever, I would do my best to chalk it up to some psychological phenomenon I am not smart enough to understand and laugh it off.

Then the Team Unicorn fiasco happened…

Now I feel like if I keep this all bottled up inside, and don’t say anything, that I might have an aneurysm. And because you don’t want my brain juice coating the inside of your monitors we’re going to work this out.

First off, here is the video that caused all the hub-bub.

When I saw it, I thought it was a creative and amusing parody of a pretty crappy song (and no, the irony that the original Meghan Trainor song is riddled with twisted feminist and body-image messages does not escape me.)

In fact I didn’t put another thought to it until I saw a ton of online backlash.

Enter the Hypocrisy

It all started with an article entitled “Is it time to stop pretending ‘Team Unicorn’ is about Girl Power?” and it crept out from there, infecting every social newsfeed I was party to like some sort of Borg Nanoprobe virus.

There seemed to be no escaping it.

The article, which I won’t link because I feel it is borderline click-bait, essentially can be boiled down to a few key points.

By dressing “sexy” they aren’t empowering themselves, or anyone else, and that they are saying that you have to be “hot” in order to be a part of their community.

It contains gems like:

“In their current form, Team Unicorn just looks like a remnant of the time when the fantasy of “hot gamer girls” were a commodity to sell to dudes.”

and

“There is definitely a market for Team Unicorn, but positioning them as “Girl Power” sends the same tired message to geeky women we’ve been hearing for years: ‘Tits or GTFO.'”

and

“Who is this video for? Certainly not for ladies.”

Here’s the problem; while I understand that stereotypes can be frustrating, and that they might seem to damage the public perception of the social group you associate yourself with, this is essentially shaming them for:

1. Genetically falling into the societal beauty norm spectrum
2. Being proud of their bodies

“If you have to tear down the way someone else looks, or presents themselves, in order to raise yourself up you’re doing it wrong!“

Think about this for a second.

We (rightfully) get upset when people body shame cos-players who don’t look fit and trim in their favorite character’s costume but then we turn around and get upset when people who are fit and trim dress up and celebrate their fandom?!?

In what Bizarro World do we live where we think that either is okay?

It’s not cool people!

Misplaced Nerd-Rage

The women of Team Unicorn have nerd-cred for days; so this is not one of those ridiculous fake geek girl discussions.

Instead this is an example of how exclusionary tactics, and body shaming, are being used within the geek community in an attempt to take a swing back at a society that has left some people feeling oppressed and bitter.

Look, I get it.

People act out against their own marginalization. They understandably don’t like it.

The problem is when this revolt against societal norms is carried out in unproductive, misguided and sometimes hurtful ways.

As a skinny nerd growing up, when being a geek was definitely not cool, I was torn down on a regular basis. I was ridiculed by the cool kids for being a nerd and mocked by the athletic kids for being skinny. I was the object of their selfish sport, with the goal being validation of their own “superiority”.

And there was a very long period of time where I was angry about it.

I get the desire to respond and try to win back your sense of personal power. I really do.

And when a nerd attacks a non-nerd for not understanding something, or someone mocks another person for the size/shape of their body, or when a woman (or man) lashes out when they feel someone is prettier/sexier than they are, I get that the situation can sometimes be a little more complex.

Yes, part of it is just as selfish as the years of bullying I endured as a youth. To tear someone down to feel better about themselves for whatever reason. But a bigger part is fighting back against the system that marginalized them in the first place.

While that anger/resentment/disgust itself might be justified, often the way it is channeled is not.

Telling someone that they can’t participate in your world, that they shouldn’t create the things they want, that they ought not be proud of they way they look… no matter how you want to rationalize it… is flat-out wrong!

And we need to stop doing it.

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Before you make a snap judgement, or condemn someone, I want you to remember rule #4 of the Jerd-Herd – “We don’t succumb to stereotype bashing.”

For the last two and a half years I have been building this community, I have stressed that we shouldn’t participate in exclusionary behavior. That we don’t look down on anyone, no matter what their interests or where they are on their own personal Heroes’ Transformation journey!

So I want to make this as plain and simple as possible.

If you –

• Post about how “real” women have curves. Stop it.
• Say “real” men have muscles. Stop it.
• Point at skinny girls and say “Only dogs go for bones”. Stop it.
• Inform underweight men to bulk up. Stop it.
• Explain to muscular women they should go easy on the weights. Stop it.
• Tell thin people to eat a sandwich. Stop it.
• Joke that fat people should put down the fork. Stop it.
• Advise women of any size or shape to cover up. Stop it.

Just stop it.

In a nutshell, how about we just go ahead and not tell other human beings how they should and shouldn’t feel about their bodies? Mmm’kay?

Because no-one asked you!

“Don’t be a dick.” – Wil Wheaton

At the end of the day we are all unique, and struggling to make it through the game of life, so can we stop getting in each other’s way for $#%!’s sake?

Instead of worrying about how other people are expressing their fandoms, consuming their favorite content, or celebrating (or hiding) their bodies can we instead be happy that finally we live in a world where being a nerd is something we can be proud of?

How about instead of tearing each other down over insignificant things like the way our bodies look, we band together and keep supporting each other in our personal nerdy endeavors; whether they be dressing up as your favorite characters at a convention, writing that comic book you’ve always wanted or getting a bunch of your nerdy friends to dress up in sexy Darth Vader outfits and making a fun video?

Please? For me?

Remember kids, keep the discussion in the comments civil…

(Photo #1 credit, Photo #2 credit, Photo #3 credit, Photo #4 credit)

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